The Sum of All Fears - The Saga Continues, Part III

We made it …. Done with the waiting. That “Friday” finally arrived! We were entering the new building where the pediatric cardiologist “lived”.  I wasn’t sure what to expect. I’ve been going to specialists for so long now that I’ve forgotten what it was like visiting for the first time.  But this was different. I’m not the patient in this office.  I am the parent.  In stark contrast to my visits to the doc….  I felt anxious. Uneasy. Not comfortable. Almost sick to my stomach.  The thought of one of my beautiful, God-given children being diagnosed with heart disease makes me physically ill.  When I would stop to ponder those thoughts for any amount of time, I couldn’t help but get choked up and tears would well up in my eyes. I was feeling completely responsible for passing that mutant gene along to my kids…. UGH….

As I sat with my kids in the waiting room, I tried to take it all in… the sights. The sounds.  What was striking to me were the seemingly healthy kids of various ages.  There were several newborns, a couple new crawlers, a toddler, and a few preschoolers and a couple older kids. Ethnicity varied from patient to patient.  I wondered what was going through the parents minds.  Where they a little sick to their stomachs? Did they experience guilt for passing something on to their new babies? Or were they being seen for something completely out of left field… where they angry about it? Were they scared? I wondered if they lost sleep the night before. I wondered if any shed any tears. I can tell you I rode a wave of emotion.  One moment I was diverting the looks of my children because I was choking back tears and the next moment I was fine – because I was scolding one of them for something appalling – like whining. 

The appointment starting off with a 45 minute wait in the lobby.  Then we were called back to triage where height and weight measurements were taken along with 12-lead EKG’s. The boys were quite uncomfortable taking their shirts off in front of the nurse – they giggled nervously (I wonder how long they will be like that?). Both my kids are incredibly ticklish so they giggled and squirmed through the sticky pieces being placed on their bodies – not to mention complain a little because they were so cold!  I must admit – they are right!   It was a little anti-climatic when we were asked to return to the lobby to continue to wait. But what were we gonna do? Rebel? Begin a picket line? Pitch a fit? Right… I would never do that (besides that never worked for me before).  

We were finally called up to the BIGS…. We were all put in a room and we were questioned by the nurse – she pressed us about my history and then my family history.  And then the doctor arrived.  A vertically challenged, Asian man with a big smile, oversized glasses and a bow tie arrived on the scene.  He asked us similar questions about my heart disease and family history.  He asked the boys who wanted to go first. My oldest jumped at the chance to go first. Brave? Sure.  But he relishes the ability to be bigger, better, first over his little brother. It’s a thing.  The oldest did great.

My youngest was only a little apprehensive about taking his shirt off again… but he climbed right up on the exam table without any assistance and lay down.  Both were great patients. The 4 year old asked an incredibly intelligent question of the doctor.  “So what is the “goo” for?”  The doctor explained patiently to him what the ‘goo’ was for… I think TJ lost interest about midway through when he was trying to explain sound waves.  The boys were mesmerized by the gray, fuzzy shadows and patterns the doctor said was their heart. Both seemed only to mind the procedure when it was time to wipe off the “goo”.  Of course, the “goo” was cold by then.  

The doc said that both hearts were structurally sound, pumping and valve function look good and strong. The electrical disturbance Hunter experienced was not captured therefore, not diagnosed. The doc indicated that we should return if the frequency of the “hard” beats increases otherwise return in 5 years for another evaluation.

I asked why it is so difficult to get to see a cardiologist – his reply is that it shouldn’t be.  I already knew that answer.  So, we all shook hands and I returned to work after agreeing to meet up later for dinner.  My boys and their dad went shopping for my “early” birthday present.  I met them at one of our favorite restaurants. As we were beginning to dive into the food, Hunter puts his fork down and says, “Mommy, feel my chest.”  UGH….. the saga continues.... God is in CONTROL!!