They say its “Hot in Cleveland!” It certainly has been an interesting trip.
I’m not sure I can do it justice by merely writing about it. There has been intrigue, deceit, violence and
leather (and that was just at the hotel)!
Don’t let me forget to tell you about the terror plot, explosives and
deviants later! So back at the ranch… it
wasn’t hot in Cleveland when I arrived – the high was 57 degrees. Brrrrrrr.
I found my luggage, wandered aimlessly for a
few moments and identified a town car to take me to the hotel (cost the same
for a taxi, so why not?)! Michael was my driver’s name; he thanked me
personally for Trent Richardson from Bama football being the #3 NFL draft pick
to the Browns. Yay me! As if I had some cosmic power to make THAT happen just
because I live in Alabama and was visiting Cleveland! Yep! This was going to be a good trip! I can
tell already! I arrived at the hotel,
shook Michael’s hand and proceeded to the front desk at the hotel. The lobby, restaurant, lounge and bar area
was packed with festive people.
“Interesting,” I thought, “its Sunday night. It must be a convention in
town.” I was quickly checked in, was provided the low down on the amenities of
the property and given directions to the elevator.
After ‘freshening up’ and unpacking I headed
back down to the restaurant to grab a bite to eat. I wanted to retire early; I
knew I would be wiped out from the flying and lack of sleep. I knew that 6 a.m.
was going to happen rather quickly. I
had it allllll figured out. I was seated quickly, offered a beverage and was
left with a menu. As I perused the fare,
I hear an eruption of laughter from the large table over. It was a group of
guys, hanging out, having dinner. I went back to my menu and attempted to order
something heart healthy! As the waitress
left with my order, I look at a 2-top table directly across from me. There sat alone was a middle-aged man who
looked ‘pinched’… almost angry. I wondered what he could possibly be upset
about. I mean, after I got Richardson drafted to the Browns?? Oh… I bet he’s
not from here… duh! He’s in a hotel. Ok,
so I wonder why he’s ticked.
Oh
well. I glanced past the angry guy and
saw a smaller table filled with more men. Huh…
I looked at the tables behind me. More men. Men are EVERYWHERE. Now, I
know some of you are thinking…. That can’t possibly be a BAD thing. And it’s not.
But what was curious to me was other than the two waitresses and the
front desk clerk… I was THE ONLY FEMALE in the joint…. What’s wrong with this picture?? Now, the hotel I chose is close to downtown,
which means it’s close to the field where the Indians play baseball. But I checked their game schedule before I arrived
and knew they were traveling this week.
The hotel is also close to the convention center where the Cavaliers
play basketball…. But the regular season is over… it’s not football season
yet…. That’s when I started to look
closer at all the men. They were many
that looked like everyday guys…. Some old, some young, many are bald, some had
hair, some were clean shaven, some had beards, some had mustaches, some had
goatees. Was there anything similar about these guys? What the???? (Insert sound of a record scratching) There
was one striking common denominator. THEY
ALL HAD ON LEATHER! Leather vests, leather pants, leather hats…. That’s when I
thought I figured it out …. It MUST be
a Freddie Mercury convention in town!!! It must be some sort of annual tribute
or homage to the lead singer of Queen.
Freddie was a truly gifted musician and vocalist who was a flamboyant,
colorful character on stage. I wasn’t old enough to see him in concert or really to know much more about him or the
group than to be able to sing along to “We Are the Champions” and giggle when I
tried to sing along with “Bohemian Rhapsody”….
“scaddamoosh, scaddmoosh, will you do the fandango?” I vaguely remember
seeing concerts or bio’s on TV about him.
By this time my dinner was delivered.
Yum. I noted the angry man inhaled his food and left the restaurant in a
huff. I shrugged it off, paid the check
and began making my way to the elevator.
I noticed the warm cookies were being put into the serving container as
I was about to walk by… pit stop!! Love
a gooey cookie. As I turned on my heel,
and put said cookie into my mouth to take my first bit is when I saw it.
All at once, I gasped! This of course meant
sucking a loose crumb off of that cookie and having it lodge in the back of my
throat – coughing ensued! As I was
trying to avoid choking to death, I couldn’t stop staring. Yes. I admit it. I was staring. I was staring
at the very large man standing against the wall with his back to me. That’s not
the unusual part…. He too was wearing
leather! A leather hat, a leather vest and leather chaps!!! Yes, my friends,
leather chaps! No pants mind you…. Just chaps and boxer briefs! OMG!!! He turned only to see who was choking
to death. That’s when I noticed the leather harness across his chest and
leather collar around his neck…. And the piece de resistance (French for the
best part) – was leather collar was connected to a leash in which his “owner”
held with one hand and in the other he held a cat of 9 tails. EIWWWWWW.
I quickly made my way to the elevator. I
wanted to die in piece – alone!!! I was so grateful that the door was closing
and I was the only passenger…. UNTIL…. A hand stopped the elevator door from
closing (oh crap!)… entered 5 leather clad men of various shapes and sizes,
some follicly challenged (no hair) and others had enough hair to make gorillas
jealous! Of course my room is on the TOP
floor… I stared at my cookie. The same cookie that about killed me a moment
before. It turns out that it wasn’t a
Freddie Mercury tribute. It was some
gathering of men wearing leather and crowning a king and queen. I only looked
up from my cookie when one of them said, “Hey guys, look, we have her
surrounded.” I was about to go all New
Jersey on them when another one tapped me on the shoulder and said, “its ok,
honey, you’re safe with us!” Eh
hummm. I went back to staring at my
cookie. Let’s just say, I triple locked
the hotel room door and had to try to get some sleep. Apparently, the guests next door didn’t need
to get any sleep and put that cat of 9 tails to use. Needless to say, I slept
with the TV on with the volume turned up.
There’s a whole new image in my head of what “Hot in Cleveland” looks
like. YIKES! I just threw up in my mouth
a little bit! More to come…
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