Heart Disease and The DMV

I've been telling myself that it was time to have my driver's license renewed. Yes, it had expired. I allowed it to expire. It's not that I am resistant to the "system". The legal process that I am required to adhere to. I knew deep down inside I had to renew my license. It wasn't that I was attached to my DL photo.  Don't laugh - I know there are some that dread heading to the DMV for the sheer fact of having to get a new photo taken.  Not me. I don't fear the DMV camera.  I have to admit it. I was denying the fact that I've lived in Alabama long enough to have required renewing my driver's license. In all my married years, we have lived in Arizona the longest...until now. <heavy sigh> 


Ok - enough of that. Somehow, I was convinced that the kids should come with me to the DMV. That didn't bother me as much as the apprehension I was feeling about which location to go to. At one point last year, ALL DMV offices were CLOSED except the downtown location for Jefferson County. That's about 900,000 people!  Pandemonium at the DMV! People standing in lines for 4 - 6 hours at a shot. But earlier this year, the county reopened a few of their offices.  My strategy initially was to go to a large center in the northwest corner of the county. My concerned hubby poo-pooed that idea since it was in a not-so-nice area of town.  I conceded. I selected the downtown location. It was close by and the thought was that the general population won't contend with the downtown its traffic and terrible metered parking. 


After parking, we trudged about a 1/4 of a mile into the courthouse, was searched, scanned, the kids went through the metal detector and finally found the area of the building we needed to be. The line to the left was for those folks applying for license plates and was about 50 deep. The line to the right was for driver's license renewals and had one gray-haired gentleman standing in it. "I'm golden," I thought to myself with a smirk.  And there we stood... as time passed I began to be envious of the the opposing line.  THEY had BENCHES to sit on <insert colorful name calling>. The line on the right began to get long. As I was wrangling the kids, I noticed a young, preppy couple arrived behind us. She was knocked up. She had to be 8 months along. I stole glances at her when they weren't looking. Her ankles weren't swollen. Her face wasn't disfigured from excess fat. Her hair was nicely done. Her shoes and her bra matched the lovely frock. I decided right then and there... I don't like her.  For me? Pregnancy was a full-body experience. I was knocked up from my hair to my toenail polish. As the "gatekeepers" at the courthouse, strolled the lines to ensure no one was getting testy, much like they do in prison, they eyeballed the preppy preggers up and down. I said out loud, "Oh NUH UH." Immediately my mind started racing. Images flashed by like a bad Tarantino movie. One moment I saw myself giving the pregnant young woman a beat down for being invited to cut the line, while saying, 'I've had NINE cardiac procedures AND TWO kids - back the flip up!' Then a flash of me rallying the crowd into a chant and clapping. I saw an image of me among a hundred others rushing the counters demanding to be helped. Brief flashes of me being cuffed and stuffed into a police car; kids standing on the sidewalk with arms crossed, looking at me disapprovingly. Then I flashed of a scene that involved me feigning a heart attack but when the paramedics are wheeling me out on a gurney I beg to go in the direction of the counter since I waited in line so long they would renew my driver's license before I was taken to the ER. Certainly, it was the strain of the DMV that brought on the imaginary heart attack.  A moment passes and I'm snapped into reality when my 9 year old asks me a question, "Mommy, what are our options here?"  I paused. I knew both boys were tired and their patience was wearing thin.  

"Well, we could all start chanting." 
     "Ok."
"Or we could start an uprising and rush the counters."
     "And...?"
"That would probably get us arrested."
     "Or?"
"Or... I could give a beat down to anyone that thinks they can cut in line," (Yes, I said it loud enough for everyone to hear) "Or wait our turn like good citizens," I said rather sheepishly.

Ninety minutes passed when I finally was face to face with the only woman doing drivers license renewals. I felt bad for her... for a minute.  Right up until the time she handed back all my documents and said, "You have to go to [the northwest county] location. I can't do that here."  I was dumbfounded. I stood there with my gaping when she asked if I heard her. Again, I heard myself say, "Oh NUH UH! I'm not leaving here without my driver's license." I was attempting to have the boater's certification added to my license.  Apparently, the ONLY location in the county that can do that is the one my husband told me to stay away from.  She tried to convince me to go over there and wait in their lines. I was almost catatonic.  "I'm not leaving here," I repeated and quickly took my spot on the electrical tape "X" on the floor and smiled into the camera. Waiting.....  "Really, I'm not leaving," I said through now a fake smile and gritted teeth. Waiting.... In the back of my mind, I'm wondering if she will intentionally take a bad DMV picture. You know... tell you on the count of 3 and she says 1... 2 <CLICK>. I was still blinded by the flash when she asked me to write the check. I handed her my form and payment, grabbed my temporary driver's license and walked hurriedly out of the courthouse. As I type this, I have yet to look at the picture. I don't even know if its me or not... but I have a license in my possession that is NOT expired. I could feel the pressure in my chest mount with the thought of being turned away after 90 minutes of standing. But as an added bonus, there was no heart attack, or cardiac event that sent me to the ER.  I am grateful.  How was your day?? xoxo