Just days earlier, we were so thrilled with having a baby – a gift from God. We never dreamed this would be how we would say our final goodbyes to each other. It was about midnight, when the I.C.U. nurse encouraged Randy to go home and get some rest since I was drifting back into oblivion. He drove home – alone. Randy called his parents with the latest news. They have always been unwavering in their faith in God and support of their children. As Randy was overtaken by the realization of what was happening, he asked his folks to pray. And pray they did! They called and emailed everyone they knew and asked for prayer.
I came back to my senses around 3 a.m. I watched the clock as the second hand slowly ticked away the night. I prayed. I prayed for Randy and the baby. I thanked God for my life and the privilege of being married to such an awesome man. I thanked Him for the gift of a strong, healthy baby boy. As I felt myself begin to drift away again, I prayed for daylight to come. In my stupor, I felt the most warm, brilliant light shine on me as it escaped through the cracks between the timbers of the largest door I’d ever seen. I knew this was heaven’s entryway. It appeared to be made of aged craggy wood. I knew I was Home. I waited for that enormous door to open for me to enter. I basked in its warmth. There was a knowing, an understanding, a peace about that place. I was happy. I waited…. And waited… and waited…
After what seemed to be an eternity, I could see something …. a light. It was different from the warm light that I enjoyed just a moment before. It began to hurt my eyes. I had to squint and blinked several times to try to focus on my surroundings. I could see glimpses of the sunrise through the blinds. I looked around carefully and realized I was still in my I.C.U. bed – still no change in my condition.
Randy was relieved to learn I lived through the night. Later that day, we learned that my heart would either revert back to a normal heart rate within the next few hours or there would be permanent, irreparable damage to the heart muscle and I would perish. Even though I made it through the night, I was handed another death sentence. I was strangely at peace. Don’t get me wrong. I did not want to leave my precious newborn baby boy and my wonderful husband. But I was ready to step over the threshold I saw the night before. In the meantime, family, friends, people we don’t even know, and churches from all over the country were praying for us. A couple hours shy of permanent heart damage and certain death, without any extraneous means, my heart reverted to a normal rhythm (80 beats per minute). I was not exactly ‘out of the woods’ as they say – but this was a good start.
After about 10 days of being in the hospital for what should have been a 3 day stint, I pleaded to go home. With hesitation, my doctors released me. I cried as they wheeled me through the hospital with my 10 day-old son, Hunter, in my arms. I got in the car and cried, “I lived! Thank you, Lord!”
The road has been a long and bumpy one. When, Hunter was about eight months old, I had accumulated almost four months of intermittent hospital stays and emergency room visits. It hasn’t been easy. There have been ‘dark’ periods where I felt alone or angry. We wondered each day if I would live to see the next. With faithfulness and prayer, I have.
It’s been 3 years since my stay in the ICU. It’s also been 3 years since my handsome son, Hunter, was born. I have undergone five heart surgeries that took us from one end of the country to the other for treatment. I am not ‘cured’ as they say but I am learning to live with my condition. I know there is a reason for suffering through this. My family and I have learned so many valuable lessons. Among so many lessons was the necessity and power of prayer. Prayer does not have to be fancy words – just genuine and sincere. I know in my heart, as imperfect as my heart is, God has something BIG for me. I handed those “keys” over to Christ a long time ago…. I am thankful to know who is really in the driver’s seat. I am just along for the glorious ride!
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